Facebook Mafia taking over crime in Chicago

It seems like there is a new group to fear in the Chicago Underground. This one, however, is a Facebook group. It seems the Mafia on Facebook is taking over all crime in this city, bad news for all who reside in this great city. Led by Don Gitsum, a level 570 on Mafia Wars, people have been feeling the wrath of their power. Even the far suburbs, including our own Deerfield, have been affected. Sophomore Katie Reicher was in the hospital for a week after being attacked by the terrible Facebook Mafia. "They were just overpowering," she commented, "I tried to stop them, but every posting in my news feed was a mafia wars thing. They were suffocating me, and eventually blacked out. Woke up in the hospital three days later." One mafia soldier, who has requested to remain anonymous, explained the allure of becoming part of the mafia. "First they just have you join just so you can be a part of the family. You tell yourself, 'I'm just gonna do this one favor, then be done.' That's what they all say, but it is strangely addicting. You find yourself going back for more, and climbing the ranks. Regrets? Every day."